Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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