and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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