I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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