Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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