Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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