I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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