Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize