he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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