grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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