I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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