I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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