Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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