There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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