So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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