dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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