I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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