you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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