around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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