Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize