I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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