You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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