What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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