Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize