where does the pee come out of this thing
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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