its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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