I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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