Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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