I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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