I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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