he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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