3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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