if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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