why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I look better un-naked...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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