I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
false alarm, still single
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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