she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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