tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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