Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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