I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize