my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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