Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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