u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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