Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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