I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize