You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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