Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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