I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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