i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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