Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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