my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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