I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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